Dear Year 2023,
I’m writing my twelfth annual open letter to the new year from isolation. Covid finally got me, and because Eric is healthy and we want him to remain that way for his January concert tour, I have barely left the bedroom since Monday. He was at the same holiday party as me 10 days ago—the one where we took off our masks for a photo with Santa Claus and then kept them off to eat and drink. The one where two days later my throat was scratchy, and four days later, I tested positive for the first time. I guess, unlike Eric, I was on Santa’s naughty list.
The problem with the world of Covid (besides spreading sickness and death, disrupting the global supply chain, and separating us from our families), is that in not-so-obvious ways, it is a dangerous world for introverts like me. Overall, I’ve thrived since initial lockdown in 2020. I’ve always needed a lot of time alone to recharge, which is when my creativity and productivity levels soar. Although I love connecting with small groups of friends, the greatest moments of shama/inner peace to be found are when I’m spending time with Eric, hiking with Lunabelle, or hanging with Shama Sanctuary’s resident deer family, Precious, Lolly, and Bridget. The opposite happens when I’m at a loud party with lots of people. So, with the permission of the CDC’s pandemic guidelines, I’ve enthusiastically drawn deeper into myself over the past three years, creating a quiet, but fulfilling world of spirituality and imagination. I’ve been very content. Maybe too content. Because life is starting to feel stagnant.
For me, growth always happens when I get uncomfortable. It’s exhilarating to put myself into unfamiliar surroundings, whether it be people or places. What always follows is a time of retreat into myself to process and integrate. Living fully is like the work of the lungs—inhaling and exhaling—a time of expansion followed by a time of inner sanctuary. The problem is that with this pandemic world, I retreated inward, and stayed there.
The day before my Covid symptoms arrived, I was texting with my friend Alissa, saying that I need to start having more adventures again. I’m not sure yet what that looks like, but it probably means saying yes to a lot more things, more travel, a different phase of work, and maybe something as simple as attending a henna tattoo workshop or new yoga class in a neighboring city.
It’s interesting that as soon as I voiced my intentions to Alissa, my life became even smaller, shrinking to the size of my 16’x18’ bedroom. So, with that in mind, dearest New Year, my promise to you is to step out of my comfort zone and LIVE LARGE in 2023. That is, as soon as my Covid test is negative.
In short, Year 2023, I think I love you already. Please love me back.
Sincerely,
Kee Kee
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